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Ramblin' Roses and Flyin' Bricks
A sweet-looking teenage reader lit into me on the streets here last week and started lambasting me for some remark she said I made in this column about Elvis Presley, the Great. In the course of the conversation she said I wasn't nothing but an old fogey and no friend of hers. It is very pleasant to be blessed out by an attractive young girl, but the fact is I don't remember making any disparaging remarks about Elvis, except maybe to say that what he does is certainly not singing. However, he's making several million bucks a year and has more Super-duper Twin Sixteen automobiles around his house than I have shoes. He has to worry about which car he'll drive on a certain day and I worry whether my jalopy will crank or not. We all have our problems. New Presley Fan Yes sir, I'm an Elvis Presley fan, but not for the same reason the bobby-soxers are. A fellow who can't sing and can't play a guitar has my respect and admiration for being able to fall back on his sideburns and hip-movements to become the idol of millions. It's hard to figure out what Elvis has that I don't have. We sing about alike and there's not a lot of difference in our git-tar picking. He can't play a tune and I can't either. The other day I saw a group of sweet-looking tenderskin gals coming down the street and I cut loose on "Hound Dog" and about time they got even with me I sort of threw my right hip around to see if they would break out screaming like they do when Elvis does the same thing. They actually did, bot not for the same reason. What happened was that my hip got kind of out of place and the pain was something awful and they screamed for somebody to come help me. From now on Elvis can stick to his field and I'll stick to mine. Something New It all boils down to one simple fact: Elvis has introduced something new to the entertainment world. He didn't try to copy Bing Crosby or Perry Como or Al Johnson. There are over 167 million people in America who can sing better, play a git-tar better and maybe throw themselves out of joint better, but Elvis thought of it first. Looking back over the years, you can recall some of our great entertainers. They all came out with something new and fresh. The bulky Kate Smith, in the early days of radio, caused women to forget their diets and start trying to push the moon over the mountain. All the men tried to croon like Bing Crosby. Then came Johnny Roy, who did some awful singing but beautiful crying. Marilyn Monroe kept her mouth open and Greta Garbo kept hers closed and both made good. The only fellow who got to the top acting like somebody else was Fess Parker who acted like Eisenhower. On the other hand, Eisenhower would never have been elected President had he acted like Jim Folsom. Now that's sure the truth! The Dark Outlook The only thing that bothers me, now that I'm an Elvis Presley fan, is that too many people are trying to imitate him. You see young men letting their side-burns grow and they try to wear clothes like Elvis. That is just too much. The original I will accept and do my dead-level best to tolerate, but may we all be spared form the countless thousands who hope they'll be mistaken for Elvis, the Great. And now, in closing, this special note of warning to men on the west side of fifty: You had sure better go slow on that hip-moving business.
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