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Ramblin’ Roses and Flyin’ Bricks
For example, the head of the personnel department will probably ask the applicant why he quit his last job. If he tells the truth and says he quit because there was too much work connected with it he won’t get the job. If he tells a lie the polygraph will start acting up crazy like. We’re getting too scientific, and the first thing you know they will have a machine rigged up so a boss man can tell what his employees are thinking and that certainly isn’t going to be good. Another machine might let the employees know what the boss is thinking and that’s when you are going to see a lot of attractive secretaries suddenly resigning. It looks like we have always put too much emphasis on telling the truth anyway. I believe 50% of the lies told in this country actually do more good than harm. About 40% more of ‘em that are told don’t matter one way or another. A fisherman has to lie, on account of the friends he’s talking too. If he says he caught a 6-pound bass his friends understand that he caught a 3-pound bass. If he told the truth they would think he caught one that weighed only a pound and a half. All fishermen understand this rule and lie accordingly. The Need of Lying Lots of the lying we all do is for the sake of harmony and peace in the family. when your wife asks you how you like her new hat you say it’s adorable and stunning. If you told the truth you’d be in the doghouse for two weeks. How many husbands have told their mother-in-law they’re mighty glad to see her when she comes for a visit? There are so many times when the truth just simply won’t do. For the past few weeks, all over the country, there had been a lot of lying going on about this Santa Claus business and it certainly hasn’t hurt anybody except maybe the poor busted Papa who has tried o keep from making old Santa look like a cheap skate. Some of the child psychologists tell us we shouldn’t mislead children about the existence of Saint Nicholas because it will eventually cause them to lose confidence in people. That isn’t necessarily ban, even if it’s true. They’ll learn later on that there are people in this country who’ll take ‘em snipe hunting and if they lose a little of the faith in humanity when they’re young they might not be left holding the bag quite so long after they get grown. We All Do It How many people open presents on Christmas morning and try to act like they’re tickled slap to death with what they got? How many people say, the day after Christmas, that they aren’t going to get all pepped up and go hog wild the next year, only to go overboard a little more? We are a lying bunch of people! What I’m getting at is that there are good lies and vicious lies. The latter kind we should avoid telling at all times, but we should do more of the good lying. I have an old Negro friend who claims she “raised me” and when I see her she always tells me I’m the finest looking handsomest man in town. Really, I think she’s exaggerating. Not much, you understand, but a little. Anyway, it’s worth two-bits every time she tells me that and I don’t believe the Good Lord is going to keep her out of His Heaven for stretching the truth just a little to make me feel a lot better. This polygraph machine might be effective but I sure doubt it. If they ask a fellow if he enjoys working I know what that machine is going to record. I can’t believe anybody actually enjoys working and if they say they do they are lying just a little, if not more so.
Anyway, I hope all of you reading have a Merry Christmas and a very prosperous and pleasant 1957. I’m not lying either. I hope you do.
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