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Ramblin' Roses and Flyin' Bricks
The ones doing the lying right now are the high school and college commencement speakers. You let one of those fellows get up before a bunch of ambitious papas and mamas with sons and daughters in caps and gowns and they don't know when to quit. They tell the graduates about "horizons" and "unlimited opportunities" and all that and it makes everyone feel mighty good. The papas and mamas know it isn't so but they like to hear nice things about their children. The children don't know any better and it sounds mighty good to them too. The only one that doesn't feel very good is the speaker and he has twelve months to get forgiveness. To Be Young Again You can't tell these young people anything. They 're tickled pink to get out of school and I'd be tickled pink to back in it. A person of my age would give his left arm, his right leg and all his money if he could swap places with one of them. Tell one of 'em that, though, and they look at you like your bread ain't quite done. In fact, they think we're a pretty stupid lot anyway. I've got news for them: They're going to be just as stupid when they get a little older and try to tell the next generation how wrong they were. I would like to be so young I could listen to "All Shook Up" twenty times a day without having a running fit. That's young! The commencement speakers have to lie a little. If they told the Seniors what was really ahead, the students in the lower classes would arrange to fail their work in order to keep a good thing going. My own high school commencement speaker had me pretty well fooled. He said he wouldn't be at all surprised but what members of the class would become painters, nurses, big executives and maybe one might become President of the United States. At that point it seemed he looked right at me and I could see myself riding in a big limousine with a tall hat and secret service men all around. He must have been looking at somebody right behind me, though. Most of the girls in our class did become nurses but the nursing they did was for their own babies. One of the boys became a big executive. He weighs 250 pounds now and owns his own poolroom. One boy actually did turn out to be a painter. He paints people. Well, in a way he paints people. He paints "Men" on one door and "Women" on another door. Look Into the Future You couldn't expect commencement speakers, though, to come right out and tell the sweet young graduates what's really going to happen to them. They would run in off the stage. Statistics show that 5% of them will serve prison term while another 5% should. At least 50% will take local state or federal jobs and the others will have to support them. Should I ever be called on to deliver a commencement address I think I'll advise the graduates to continue their education. If I'm talking to a college class I'll advise them to go back to high school for further studies. If I'm talking to high school graduates I'll advise them to go back to grammar school.
That should just about wind up any chance I'll ever have of addressing a bunch of Seniors.
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