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Ramblin' Roses and Flyin' Bricks
When I was 9 I remember saying a bad word but they didn't send me to a hospital. Papa took me out to the back yard "clinic" and cured me of swearing for the next 11 or 12 years. He used the oak-limb method, which was very popular and very successful in those days. It has since been replaced by the "child psychology" method, which sounds good in books but apparently isn't effective in real life. Most everybody can sympathize with that fellow in London. It seems like there's more to cuss nowadays than ever before. Taxes are higher. Politicians lie more than they used to and the weather is all the time acting up. Men have started wearing Bermuda shorts in ever-increasing numbers. During the last few weeks of the peak vacation period, I must have seen fifty men pass through our town wearing the things. True, they all looked a little sheepish and apologetic, but its something all men had better do something about right now. That's the way things like that start. First a few venture out, and then more and more and finally you and I join the parade. In the past 10 years, I've kind of slacked off on my cussing, but if the time ever comes when I have to wear Bermuda shorts I'm liable to throw one of those swearing fits like that fellow in London. It Takes Courage In a way, this Bermuda short business has made me feel a little better. Up to now I had always thought my knees were about the ugliest looking things I ever saw. They stick out like a knot on a log. They're rusty looking too. Why, I don't know. I've even rubbed them with a stiff brush and they're still rusty. Here lately though, I've noticed that I don't have the only pair of rusty, ugly knees. A man stopped at a service station here the Fourth of July and the attendant must have stared at the fellow in the Bermuda shorts a pretty long time, because he finally said to the attendant, "You should get you some of these things. Be brave, fellow, be brave!" It must take a lot of courage to be a pioneer. Most of the men probably got a pair as a Father's Day gift and maybe they had to wear 'em. The sure didn't look like they were comfortable, which is the only excuse for wearing the things. I remember about 25 years ago men started wearing "knickers" but the fad died out pretty soon. I got around to trying on a pair in a men's clothing store, but decided not to buy 'em when the clerk laughed at me. I figured if the man trying to sell me a pair couldn't keep from laughing, I sure couldn't expect much sympathy from the general public. Two Ways to Cuss Of course, there's no excuse for the use of profanity. They say a person with a large vocabulary can find some high-sounding words to use instead of the bad ones. When the big words come out looking purple, though, I don't reckon there's much difference, because the thought is still there. It's just a matter of educated cussing as opposed to ignorant cussing.
Because there are more things nowadays to make a fellow want to swear, he deserves more credit, I think for not yielding to the temptation. Life is pretty rough for most of us, and they've even taken the pleasure out of pleasure. You can't enjoy a cigarette for fear you'll come down with lung cancer. If you make a few extra thousand dollars you can't enjoy it any more, knowing the government will get most of it. Now, on top of all that, you can't enjoy swearing any more. They're liable to send you to a hospital.
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