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How to deal with children
Now, here I am, trying to carry out my promise, and suddenly realizing I know nothing whatever about the problem. If it were not for the fact that she is very fond of the parents it would be quite simple for her to drive the children away with a baseball bat or a handful of blunt instruments. Many Ways Of course, there are more adroit ways to keep children out of your homes. You can teach 'em some bad words to go back home and say and their parents will take care of the situation without further ado. You can give 'em so much food to eat they'll have the bellyache all night, or you can give them their fill of "big oranges" which is worse on the parents, in an indirect way, than the bellyache. The above just goes to show that people shouldn't attempt to write about things they know nothing about. Actually, I knew all the time I shouldn't have promised that lady, but she was just so nice and friendly and brilliant that I simply couldn't turn down her request. They say there are three ways to get a person to do something, listed as follows: 1. Bribe 'em. 2. Scare 'em. 3. Flatter 'em. All of the ways work on me, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if I don't do better on number 3. There's just nothing that beats flattery even when you know they're trying to get something out of you. I can't keep from listening to the nice things they say, and finally I'll think maybe they're right. The Eating Cousin Back when I was small, we had an older cousin who often came to our house for a visit of several days. He was a softsoaper from way back and it was something outlandish the way he bragged on Mama's cooking. She was a good cook, all right, but I doubt if she was the best cook in all the 48 states, like he said. When I saw him coming, I knew we boys were in for it. We automatically started bringing in stove wood, toting water and going to the neighbor's house to borrow nutmeg, vanilla flavoring and extra pie pans. The more our cousin bragged the more Mama cooked. We had hot biscuits three times a day and I'm telling you he could put away biscuits. He could also put away meat, vegetables and desserts and anything else he found on the table. He just about ate us out of house and home and the smokehouse never did look the same when he left, on account of the way he bragged on the smoked ham and smoked sausage. He told Mama that other people didn't cook their vegetables with meat like she did and we had to borrow sow-belly from the neighbors after he left to tide us over until the next hog-killing season. After he left, Mama would have kind of a letdown on her cooking and for about a week the table looked kind of skimpy. All of which goes to show that most people are susceptible to flattery. If we had a library in our town I would get a book and study up on child psychology just to keep from disappointing that sweet and charming lady. I did read someplace a while back where a lady had an unique way of getting visiting children to go home. She told the children to be sure to remind her to give them a little present when they got ready to leave. Needless to say, the children couldn't stand the suspense and got ready to leave in a hurry. Maybe the Biloxi lady can use that plan to advantage.
Anyway, that's all I know abut how to keep from being bothered with your neighbor's children. I'm mighty glad to be of assistance.
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