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It's national gripe week November 2, 1955 This country is suffering from an ever-increasing rash of National Weeks. I wouldn't be at all surprised if we ain't sock up in the middle of some kind of special Week right this minute. We might even be having three weeks rolled into one. It's got so anybody can have a Week proclaimed. You have to write your own proclamation nowadays because the Governor has his hands full just signing the ones that are poked at him. Some of the minor Weeks his secretary proclaims with a rubber signature stamp, which works just as good. He was signing 'em so fast here a while back that he proclaimed National Newspaper Week without knowing it. When he found out what he had done he tried to change it to National Lying Newspaper Week, but it was too late. I'm certainly not trying to do away with any of these special Weeks. In fact, nobody pays any attention to 'em any more, and they aren't hurting anybody. Take Friendship Week, for instance. The people I know were just as ornery and cantankerous that week as they were the rest of the year. It didn't make 'em a bit nicer. People Confused The trouble is half the people don't know what week we're supposed to be observing. We suddenly find that last week maybe was Poultry Week, but it's too late to celebrate it now because we've already started on National Hog Week. Now that's a Week I like! Everybody wants to get in on it, especially those on the highways. Some of them will probably ever live through it. Now, I've got a Week picked out, but I'm going to proclaim it myself. If our Governor is eating over $300 worth of groceries a day, like the lying newspapers say he is, he shouldn't be forced to push a wash pot full of caviar and other branch-head food away just to sign my little old proclamation. So, I therefore proclaim National Gripe and Get-It-Off- Your-Chest Week, starting right this minute and continuing until everybody feels better. It might take a month. Seeing as how it is my creation, I'll start right in celebrating it. Let's Get Going To start with, I'm pretty sick and tired of this Princess Margaret Peter Townsend business. She says now she's not going to marry him, which suits me. If she does marry him it suits me. In fact, if she wants to live with him without getting married that suits me too. I'm mighty easy to please, if they'll just quit writing about it. The men's suit makers quit making vests several years ago, and it must have cost them a lot of money to close down the vest section, because they raised the price of suits $20. Nobody griped about it, so they quit making watch pockets in the trousers. You can still get a watch pocket, if you know the president of the company, but they'll put it above the belt line between the lining, and there isn't a man alive that can take his watch out and put it back with one hand. If you're driving your car you have to pull off the road to see what time it is. The tailors claim most everybody wears a wristwatch nowadays, but even so, some people need to know the correct time every now and then. Buttons and Zippers The automobile manufacturers finally got around to making a standard headlight. Regardless of what make car you're driving, you you use the same type headlight. That's good, but the people who make men's shorts sure need to get together. One day you'll be wearing a pair with snap on fasteners and you'll try to unbutton 'em. The next day you'll have on a pair with buttons and you'll try to unsnap 'em and buttons fly all over the place. It's the same with trousers. Some have buttons and some have zippers. Those with the zippers should have an emergency button or two on 'em, like a spare tire, you know, just in case.
Actually, one column isn't enough space for me to launch my Week, but maybe you get the general idea. Let's all do our fussing in one short period and maybe we'll be better equipped to celebrate Friendship Week. In fact, I feel better already.
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