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Ramblin' Roses and Flyin' Bricks
You'll invariably hear somebody say, "I sure don't want to live to be a 100. Unless, of course I can still be active and not be a burden on somebody." As for me, I want to live to be a 100 even if I'm not active and have to have somebody put my teeth in for me at mealtime and push me around the house in a wheelchair. A man who has reached a hundred has seen a lot of changes. He's witnessed the passing of the buggy and the half-moon decorated building and seen the advent of the chromium-plated automobile and the pink bathroom fixtures. He has gone through the kerosene era, into the electric age and now stands on the threshold of the atomic era. If he has accomplished anything he has made ten thousand friends and twenty thousand enemies. However, he has certainly outlived a lot of enemies, which is a powerfully good way to get rid of 'em. He has been through panics, depressions and recessions, good times and boom times. He has worked for a little as 50 cents a day and as much as $20, and the four-bits bought as many groceries as 20 bucks. How To Die Young If a person doesn't want to live to be a hundred, though, there are sure plenty of ways to head it off. He can take a couple of drinks and get out of the highway on a holiday weekend and keep not only himself but a lot of other people from becoming centenarians. Or, if you want to, you can work yourself to death while you're young and let your rich widow have a try at reaching a hundred. Medical authorities say now that the time will come when the average life of a man will be about a hundred years and maybe longer. Nearly every year now they're finding ways to effectively combat many of the main killers and pretty soon all they'll have left to work on will be common colds, hay fever and ordinary aches and pains. Proceeding on the theory that I'm going to live to be a 100, I've been figuring what I'm going to tell the newspaper boys when they come around to get an interview. All the others say they always took a little "toddy" every day, got plenty of exercise and fresh air and went to bed early and got up early. I'm going to attribute my longevity to laying off of English peas and spinach, resting throughout the day and staying in bed until a respectable hour in the morning. I figure a lot of people catch colds getting up early when there's a frost on the ground and too, a fellow should kind of let the early morning traffic get out of the way before starting to work. Joke on Government It sure would be a good joke on the government if people could start living to be a hundred. Like it is now a fellow pays social security taxes until he's 65, after which he dies and fails to collect very much. Just think of living off the government for 35 long years without even hitting a lick at a snake! Think what a good joke it would be if a young woman married a 65-year-old man, thinking he would pass away after a short time and then having to put up with him for 35 years! A criminal, just given a sentence of 99 years, could say to the Judge, "I'll sure fix you for this, the minute I get out." I'm sure strong for this 100- year business. I've just figured out that a fellow, in a hundred years could catch a million bream, two hundred thousand bass and no telling how many catfish.
You young sprouts of 65 had sure better see that your social security account is in proper shape.
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